Mom in Mental Motion

Today I am going to make it to Women’s Fellowship at church! And then some quick lunch before some physical therapy for my neck. Then I have to go buy the Fat Tuesday pastries! I think that we are going to fast all sweets during Lent. When I say “we” I mean my family of 4 here at home. I think I should tell them, huh?

I changed my blog look and lost my blog roll. I had that with an old email address and I forgot the password. If I want the password sent to me, it will go to the old email. That just doesn’t help me, now does it? Today typing is hurting both of my arms and neck. Good thing I am going to PT.

My new scrapbooking markers came in the mail yesterday. I am excited. I am waiting on some other things I ordered as well. I think I will have Phil cut the legs of his homemade desk for me. It’s too tall as he built it for his height. I am shorter and need it lower. I think if I were to buy a little folding table, it wouldn’t feel permanent. I need to feel like my creating space is permanent.

Ok, time to run and get ready for the day. So far I am feeling good.

that this past weekend was very calm and fun. Phil and I cleaned up the computer room and I got into our bedroom cleaning quite a bit. I am going to set up my scrapbooking/cardmaking area in there. I won’t have to buy much furniture for it just some organizer/storage things. I can’t wait!

Brit and Jonathan came in for Sat/Sun as she missed all of us. Poor girl. Well it was a fun visit and Jonathan set up our 2 computers to be networked. He and Phil also had a chance to play World of Warcraft. The boys like playing it too. Phil and the boys went to a Blue and Gold banquet with the local Cub Scouts. Both boys want to join now.

Phil also took them rollerskating on Sunday afternoon. I went to pray for Alpha Sunday evening! WOW!!! Is all I can say. It was fantastic. Things are going great, the Spirit is truly moving this session and I am blessed to be part of it.

I still haven’t taken pictures of the junky cars, but I am going to be getting a camera cell phone so that will be how I take the pictures. I will have to figure out how to get them to my pc to post. That will take another visit with Brit and Jonathan! lol….kids know more than we do.

Phil started a webpage and it’s funny. Very him!

Anger is such a powerful emotion. We all get angry and mad and stomp around from time to time. I am not talking about that kind of anger. I am talking about repressed anger, rage and the like. These emotions can rule and ruin a life. They can produce more trouble than we realize. In reading the training manual for the CPC, I realized that I had bottled up years and years of anger. I brought this to my counseling session on Tuesday. What a revelation! I don’t think I ever expressed my anger at my parents for doing a crappy job of raising me and not protecting me. I have always just accepted it. But now, it’s rearing it’s ugly head every day. Little things set me off.

I don’t want to be like this. I want to deal with these powerful and damaging emotions before more lives are ruined. This is a generational curse that needs broken and healed.

I am angry that my parents didn’t protect me.
I am mad that my mom never talked about the facts of life with me.
I am angry that my future was interupted with an unplanned pregnancy and subsequent marriage that ended in one more baby and divorce.
I am mad that my mom was not around for me.
I hate that my parents did not care to be responsible for me and my sibs.
It’s unfair that children suffer.
I want to love my children with that heart to heart connection that is missing. My parents certainly never displayed it.

Maybe reading this blog is helping someone else besides me. I know that as I type it all out, it is a release. It’s healthy.

I know I am not the only one who pulls into a parking spot only to find the car next to me is full of trash, right?? So after seeing about a dozen or so of these dangerous to drive cars, I have decided to carry my digital camera around with me and then begin blogging the pictures. I will link it from here some way. I guess it will become my new hobby. Yeah, like I need another one.

I have been to physical therapy today. At one point, it hurt so bad that I started crying. What it’s coming down to is that I need an MRI or x-rays as my symptoms are only getting worse, even with the exercises. Just typing this out is causing finger pain and other pain is radiating up my arm. The good news is that this is not a surgery fix, but still a pt fix. It’s just that they need to see an inside picture of my neck area as they feel it’s in that area that a nerve is pinched.

Tonight is Jake’s music concert at the highschool. All the 3-4th graders in the 3 schools in the district are performing. It will be fun.

Shawna is acting like the abortion was nothing at all. She is partying, drinking, visiting a strip club with the newest boyfriend and having wild s*x! And using a tamp*n when she ran out of pads. She is going to kill herself at this rate. She hasn’t talked with my dd about the abortion at all. I haven’t seen her either. Lauren and her aren’t hanging out as much so who knows when she will come over with her. Keep praying! She needs Jesus and to be loved so desparately.

Jack, our dog, had a vet appointment today. Poor puppy had to have blood drawn. Everything is checking out fine with him. He even lost 2 pounds, which is totally not fair as he eats all the treats he wants and still loses weight!

I found this online at another website.

Prayer to End Abortion
Lord God, I thank you today for the gift of my life,
And for the lives of all my brothers and sisters.
I know there is nothing that destroys more life than abortion,
Yet I rejoice that you have conquered death
by the Resurrection of Your Son.
I am ready to do my part in ending abortion.
Today I commit myself
Never to be silent,
Never to be passive,
Never to be forgetful of the unborn.
I commit myself to be active in the pro-life movement,
And never to stop defending life
Until all my brothers and sisters are protected,
And our nation once again becomes
A nation with liberty and justice
Not just for some, but for all,
Through Christ our Lord. Amen!

You know how sometimes He comes to you in a still small voice and other times it’s a loud clanging gong? Well on Sunday morning in church, I got the voice, that is somewhere in between those two extremes, from the Lord on something I should do. He told me to go and intercede for the Alpha course. Well, I backed out of Alpha because things are busy and crazy and I am going through a lot. Also I have never thought of myself as a intercessor like the kind we have for Alpha. Sure I pray for lots of people and situations, but not ongoing and certainly not where I don’t have a “game plan”. So I guess it is a stretch for me to be part of the intercessor team.
And also, I was sure when I heard that from Him that he had the wrong person, maybe someone behind me was supposed to get that message! So I asked for confirmation, which was needed that morning because Alpha started last night.

During the scripture reading for the morning, I got it. Dang…or should I say, BANG!!!! Wow, Isaiah 43:18-28. 18 “ Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.
20 The beast of the field will honor Me,
The jackals and the ostriches,
Because I give waters in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert,
To give drink to My people, My chosen.
21 This people I have formed for Myself;
They shall declare My praise.
Pleading with Unfaithful Israel
22 “ But you have not called upon Me, O Jacob;
And you have been weary of Me, O Israel.
23 You have not brought Me the sheep for your burnt offerings,
Nor have you honored Me with your sacrifices.
I have not caused you to serve with grain offerings,
Nor wearied you with incense.
24 You have bought Me no sweet cane with money,
Nor have you satisfied Me with the fat of your sacrifices;
But you have burdened Me with your sins,
You have wearied Me with your iniquities.
25 “ I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions for My own sake;
And I will not remember your sins.

Yep that is for me. He is doing a new thing, He will pour His water into the deserts, and make flowers bloom in the wilderness of my heart and He forgives my sins and allows me to serve Him. An awesome thing it is to know and be obedient to the Lord.

When I asked and told Phil, he was behind me 100% without even one question. So I showed up last night, all ready to pray. The other female was home sick so I was left with 3 men. They are all old enough to be my Dad. And they all hear from the Lord, 2 of them spent a weekend with Phil interceding for a men’s retreat last summer. So I know I am in good company. It was great to hear more from the Lord during our prayer time. I feel more alive than ever! It’s really amazing.

Try it sometime!

I can barely type this out. Shawna went for the abortion. I am so heartbroken over this. More later…….

She went through with it.
My heart is grieved and we are terribly saddened. I truly believe the Holy Spirit allowed me to grieve as a mother for this little one. We named that baby Taylor. We don’t know if it was a boy or girl, only the Father knows. My dd, Lauren, and I will grieve together and grow together through this experience. I called one of the Staff at the CPC and she talked me through the feelings I have and then prayed for me. I am hurting so deeply and have never hurt so deeply in my life. My dad’s death was not like this at all! I just never expected this to be this way.