Mom in Mental Motion

We eat dinner together almost every day. It’s a rare occasion when we don’t. I know this is a good thing. Even in my dysfunctional family we ate dinner together and every other week we ate at my grandparents home, until their deaths in 1980. My dad also made a Saturday or Sunday morning breakfast at times and those were good too. But when he did that, he sat in the kitchen and ate while the kids sat in the dining room which was just over the doorway. Not far but not at the same table. I guess it’s because the kitchen table only sat 2 people and sometimes my mom was there.

Today we slept in and missed church. Caleb asked what we had to eat and also asked for a family breakfast. I made us egg-in-a-hole and hashbrowns and sausage. Jake didn’t want any of it, that’s ok, he is like that. But Phil, Caleb and I all sat down and ate together. With the TV on. I told him afterwards that the tv was a distraction but he said “it still counts as a family meal!”. I guess so, in his eyes, it was and I am glad for it. I think the days when he asks for the family meal might be over sooner than later so I am enjoying it now while I can.

I just don’t understand families that don’t eat together at least once a day. It’s our time for stories and connecting to each other. It’s part of my cultural heritage. Italians have many courses to their meals, at least their main meal, and spend hours talking, laughing and debating. I know it was like that at my grandparent’s home. I loved those Sunday meals. I loved the smell of Italian food, all homemade of course, cooking and the adults arguing over who was in charge. They argued in Italian so I couldn’t understand. That meal turned into a day long affair. We used to do that with Phil’s parents and it was good. Now that they are living in SC most of the year, it just isn’t the same. I am not as relaxed during those visits because I don’t want them to end and I end up hurrying through conversations to get it all out at once. That’s not good.

One day I hope to be the grandma who’s home my kids and grandkids come to for regular dinners. Right now we have Brit and family in for weekends because they live 2 hours away. Lauren will be over today for dinner and to visit with the boys. She missed them while they were away at camp. I think I am making ravioli and spaghetti, just for posterity sake. Although mine isn’t homemade today it will still be a family meal. Complete with the arguing, laughing and talking.

Poor Phil didn’t know what he got into when he married an Italian woman! He was warned.

Here is an old family picture from 1968. Can you guess which one I am? Leave it in the comments.

is an entity unto herself. I was doing dishes about and hour ago and was having thoughts about my mom. I realized then that if I didn’t write them down, I would be bothered all day by these things and that won’t do. Today the boys are home from camp and I don’t need a “nagging issue” to weigh me down. So if you don’t want to read about my mother, good and bad, stop here and come back another day. Maybe I will share the stories that they boys share from camp.

One thing that currently happens involving my mother usually involves my older sister. She is three years older than I am and her memories are somewhat different of our mother. Plus since my sister lives in the same location as my mom, they have issues all the time. The most recent made me pretty upset at my mom. My sister just had her 45th birthday and her future mother in law decided to host a restaurant party for my sister. She invited my brother, his wife, my sister’s kids and my mom and my sister’s fiance, naturally. J is a great woman to my sister, although from M.’s stories, she wasn’t the best mom either. Back to the story, my mom doesn’t drive at night so K, my sister, asked J. to have the dinner early enough so my mom can get home before dark. Well everything went fine at the party and my mom had time to get home before dark. My sister called mom to see if she got home ok and came to find my mom at her “other family’s” house! This is the family that my mom befriended about 6 years ago and gets all her needs met from. They took her into their lives and she spends time and money on them. They were refugees from another country and my mom felt as if she was doing good by helping them. I believe her heart was in the right place but then it gets fuzzy for us.

See my mom is doing things for this family that she neglected to do for us. She babysits for them, gets up early and drives their kids to school while she slept in when we were little and had to get ourselves up and dressed for school. She takes their kids to doctor’s appointments while she sent me on a public bus to an appointment for a physical at 10 years old and the doctor molested me since I was alone. She buys them stuff, which I don’t care about, but then she gives my daughter used goodwill stuff for her babyshower. It’s one thing to buy thrift store clothes for a baby, but you don’t present those at the baby shower. Those are given privately. She could have just bought one nice blanket instead of the junk she did buy. But I bet she is the one carting those other kids around for their back-to-school shopping trips, but I know she isn’t paying for the stuff. She can’t afford to do that. Then again, how do I know?

She made a ton of mistakes with us, most were due to her selfish nature, some were due to her inability to parent since she had no role models, but we always hoped she would find the strength to rise to the occasion and do the right things. She did do that at times. I do remember her sewing us bedspreads, capes, dresses and outfits. I remember her making apple fritters, once. She did like to have fun by twirling me around on her finger like I was a ballerina. She did make me a few costumes for Halloween but she didn’t know the kids would tease me about one of them. She wasn’t a room mom nor did she attend PTA things. She tried but was too self absorbed to see beyond her own needs to the needs of her four children.

I do love her and have forgiven her for much of the past. I am sure as I deal with more memories that more forgiveness will happen. But how do you get past forgiveness? How do you not feel abandoned when your mom spent more weekends with her friends than her kids? More nights out partying at the local singles bars than with your teenager?

I don’t think I will ever understand why my mother does what she does and I am not sure if I want to. Right now I have things that need my attention in life more than my mother. She calls me occasionally but more often than not, I am the one calling her. She never drives here to visit me. I don’t drive there either but I am still raising children at home and leaving for a day is not easy to arrange, most of the time. I truly hope when she is sicker than she is now, the other family will take care of her like they promise they will. She is burning too many bridges with my sister for K. to want to take care of her in her “golden years”. K. was very hurt that my mom rushed home only to go over to her other family’s house! I was too when K. told me about it. The worst part was when J. (K.’s future mil) told her she was raised well. K. wanted to just crawl under the table.

At least it’s part true because K., just like me and my brothers, all raised ourselves in part with our dad. Mom just didn’t do such a great job.

I’m ending there before I get angry and will spend some time praying about this. I need to clear my head and move on.

Well this is the week of the boys’ annual boy scout camp week, or maybe I already mentioned that? Anyway, last night was “family night”. The families come out, see the boys do the flag retiring ceremony and the marching and lining up in their Class A uniforms, then we all have dinner at camp and then go watch the camp staff counselors do various skits and jokes for an hour. Lots of fun and great memories. Well last night someone turned on the heavenly water faucet and down it came. Right during the boys’ marching and standing and flag ceremony. All over the hundreds of families and visitors. All over the grass, tents, tables, ground and anything in the way. Rain rain everywhere. Straight down, then sideways with the chilly wind. It lasted a good 30-40 minutes. The poor boys did so well standing in all that rain and waiting their turns to march on out of there. I am so proud of all of the them.

Before the rain came, an old friend from Pittsburgh appeared at my side. We went to high school together. She was the one friend who stayed by my side when I found I was pregnant at 15. She found me in the crowd. Now you might wonder how someone who lives in PA found me in Ohio. Well her son’s scout troop travels around and spends their summer camp at various other locations and this year they choose our camp. Earlier in the day she was at the archery range, where she was talking to Phil, not realizing it was my husband but had a feeling she knew the guy. Funny how small a world it is.

Well because of the downpour, we lost track of each other at the field. I know she went home to PA last night because we did chat for about 5 minutes before she went back to her group. Now I am going to try to find an email address or her phone number and call her. I need to catch up with her.

The boys are doing great at camp. Caleb didn’t seem to care that I stayed the night, in a tent with some other moms, and just barely said goodbye to me today. Jake, though, he was glad I was there, chatted with me and the other moms and was very glad I was there. The other moms thought he was funny and told great stories. He is funny and does have great stories to tell, even if he embellishes them a bit.

Our tent help up rather well, although some of the seaming leaked a bit. Not enough to pack it up and leave though. We pushed through and toughed it out. I also was one of the few folks to figure out the morse code sign at the troop camp entrance. I am quite proud of myself and I got a Hershey bar to boot! I will post that picture later. For now I am off to play games and just hang out online.

Here is the picture of the morse code puzzle.

It’s been awhile since I have had a lot of time alone, at home. The boys are off to scout camp and Phil is visiting them in the day so I have been home alone, after I am done working. I am already bored. I did some laundry, washed some dishes, swept the floor, cleaned the bathroom and played online. I pulled a muscle in my back at work today but it’s ok when I sit. If I stand too long, it hurts. I am done working for the week so hopefully it’s better by next week.

Phil and I had a big misunderstanding that took awhile to work out. It was not easy, it’s the kind of conversation Ric has said we need to be having. The “hard conversations”. Ugh.

I am so ADHD!!!! I was sitting here writing this post, when I had the urge to go look outside. On the way back I fed the dog which led to me finishing the dishes. What in the world? Now I just sprayed the stovetop with 409 so I can scrub it clean. I am too weird. Well I leave you, whoever you are that reads this thing since no one comments much anymore, with a picture of me and Izzy, taken last week. I think I look nice so that is why I am posting it!

And this one is so darn cute! Izzy’s eyeball!

And one more. What a happy face Asher has!

Leave me some love if you read this!

I know this is a bit late but last weekend we had Elizabeth, 18 months, and Asher, 5 months, here for 52 hours. It was amazing how tired two little ones can make their grandma and grandpa, aunt and uncles! It took five of us to care for those two little lovies. Here is Izzy, on my computer chair. She is in the kitchen since the chair had to take up residence there, being as the pack-n-play for Asher was in it’s place in my room.

Around dinner time on Friday, Asher was getting fussy so Jake and I took turns with Asher in the Snuggli. Here we are!

On the first night, Asher woke us up several times, resulting in a bottle/diaper change at 1:20 AM! Then we all slept for 4 hours before he woke us again. I guess he was going through a growth spurt. Izzy woke up and we let her fuss herself back to sleep, which only took 5 minutes. Oh yeah, we taught Izzy how to say “Jack”, our dogs name. She says it so cute. She doesn’t talk much but she says Jack!

On Saturday we spent time just playing and keeping them happy. Caleb was getting annoyed with all the attention and work two babies can be. He was not happy about it. Soon he adjusted enough but eventually we had a meltdown on Sunday. I had a talk with him and things got a bit better. But getting back to Saturday, we had a family party to attend. It decided to rain that afternoon. A good hard rain with wind and humidity that was stiffling. That made the outdoor party in the pavillion crowded, hot and stuffy. Elizabeth wanted to walk around but there was no room and the puddles were everywhere after the rain. For the first hour, she didn’t want down then when she did, I was trying to decide what to do with her. I eventually found a small puddle and she was happy to walk through it several times. Then Grandpa took her for a walk and found a kids four wheeler for her to sit in and another toddler. That kept her busy for awhile. Asher was fine as he is a baby and lets anyone hold him, for the most part. After a few hours, I was ready to pack it all up and come home again.

Lauren was the only one able to get Izzy to sleep so after her bath, she went to bed. We put Asher down around 10:30 PM and hoped for a better night. It wasn’t going to happen. Again a repeat of Friday but it bit better. At least I knew what to expect and how to handle him. By Sunday morning I was bushed. Phil was tired and so were the boys. At least Lauren could go to her place and get uniterupted sleep! Believe me, we loved having them but they are a lot of work. I have no idea how Brit does it every day. But I guess when one is in “baby mode” you get used to it.

Sunday afternoon we packed them all up, they brought a lot of stuff, and loaded up the van with all seven of us and went to meet Brit and Jonathan. We meet at a Bob Evans halfway between their city and ours. The kids did well on the way out. Caleb did not repeat the puking he did on the way out to get the kids on Friday. That was good. We were prepared though with bags and towels, just in case. Lauren went along and was a help. Brit and Jonathan were able to have some quality time together and do things they can’t normally do with the babies around. That is good for them, they need it, just like Phil and I do. The babies were so happy to see their momma and daddy. I am not sure who missed who more!

Here are a few more pictures. This is Caleb and Izzy on Sunday morning, snuggling on the couch in their jammies.

Here is Asher, playing on the floor. He is a happy guy when he is laying around like this.

Oh yeah, Phil bought a truck last week. Here he is with his new toy! We traded in the SUV for a better gas guzzler! lol….

It’s been a few years since I have been camping. Well last week some old friends of ours invited us camping with them and another family. I am so glad we went. We had a blast. First we purchased a new tent and an air mattress. We found we needed to replace a cooler and Phil wanted to get a new camp chair using a gift card he got from Lauren for Father’s Day. Then we bought a portion of food for all three families. We gave the dog flea/tick medicine and then got to packing. What a chore. Then we packed up the van after I was done working last Thursday. It was raining! I kept thinking this is not a smart move but maybe the rain won’t be where we are going in PA, about 5 hours away.

We loaded all of the stuff and more stuff, 4 people and one excited little dog into the minvan and off we went. We had a rough trip out since Jack, the excited little dog, hadn’t been on a long trip in quite some time. He sat on a plastic bin so he could see out the side window.

We removed the middle seat for the stuff and it was packed full. Did I mention we brought a lot of stuff? Here is the view. We arrived about 7:30 PM in a drizzling rain. We found a high spot to set up our “vacation home” and began unpacking all the stuff. Here is the tent.

It was a nice size, fitting in 2 twin sized air mattresses as well as a queen sized one, plus room for the dog to sleep and then some. We could even stand up in this tent. It was a smart buy. We only had rain a few times but never enough to ruin our fun. The kids, 9 of them, ranging in ages 2-16, all had a blast on the four wheelers, mini bike and mini four wheelers. The adults, 6 of us, also got in some fun on the 4 wheelers. There were puddles on the trails so everyone got muddy on their rides. We had a blast.

We enjoyed sitting around the campfire and chatting at night. After the kids were sent to bed, the adults would bring out the snacks and we munched and drank beer and lemoncellos. Yummy stuff. We made great memories and new friends. It was just so much fun. I can’t wait to camp again. There is just something so relaxing about it.

Side note: There was an old camp cabin onsite that was used for the kitchen and bathroom needs but we all slept in the tents. There was also an outhouse which served it’s purpose with that many people. We also went into the nearest town and watched fireworks. We were in the middle of the mountains in North Central PA. It was beautiful. I will add more pictures later when WordPress lets me.