Same song, second verse….

A little bit louder, a little bit worse. The mood swings are back and are rearing their ugly heads. Life is not fun. Life is rotten right now. Up and down. In and out. Not liking the situations I am in right now.

I realized a few weeks ago that I horribly dislike Phil’s shift and it’s wreaking havoc on the family, especially me. It’s like I have moved forward one step and back five! So I sit here, night after night, wanting to throw my Christmas tree out the back door, ornaments-lights-and all! I am sick of the holidays and what it is supposed to be like. I want my husband to be “present” when he is here, not in the fibro-fog that consummes his body and mind most of the time. I am tired to trying to be strong.

When I start to get those feelings of “I just want to run away” I know it’s bad. There is little I can do to turn the tide, I just have to ride it out. I do need to meet with a friend or something and talk. That would help. But who? Again, it’s the holidays and everyone is probably with family. But I will try to call someone.

On a happier note, I have a few pictures from Christmas with Brit and her family. Over and out.5-kids-2008

lutz-fam-2008

my-kids-2008

Getting the babies to be still was like herding cats. It didn’t work out well.

december-254

3 Comments »

  1. Donna Thorell said

    Give yourself a little break here…
    dont forget that during those weeks you were realizing how much youhated that shift, you were in between 2 major holidays and had to do a lot of work, you also were sick, and it also is the hardest time of year for people who are seasonally affected with the sun going down and colder temps.
    So it is everything mixed in!!! add to that economy and other things and I am sure even the people who are not bipolar are still having major issues!
    So give yourself a break!!!!!
    definitely talk to someone and get yourself on a good schedule.
    When Rod worked out of state and I was alone with the kids I learned to do it. It took months, not weeks…it was harder when he came back! LOL. It took a lot to reconfigure another schedule. You will do it, but it will take time to find that fit.
    Dont give up…give in a bit, and let some of it go. I will be praying.

  2. phil64 said

    I know exactly where you are coming from. My mood swings are all over the board. I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and I am on Lithium, Lamictal, Neurontin and it’s starting not to work. To be honest with you I probably need to have my meds adjusted.

    As far as controlling mood swings I have used taking a quick walk; listen to music, count to ten backwards, focus on a small dot and count backwards. I hope this gives
    you some relief.

  3. Chris said

    Hi Sister,

    I wish I had known you had laryngitis, I would have called you that week! hahaha

    But really, I like the pics. I hope you had a nice Christmas. It was nice being in Korea for the holidays. I’ll post another blog with my first snowboarding experience this decade.

    Bye!

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